One evening, as I was reading some delicious fiction, out of nowhere the thought “It is not my job to fix people” popped into my mind and it felt like a HUGE mind blowing moment and felt like FREEDOM. For what seemed like forever, I really valued my desire to save people, to be the rescuer, to be the martyr. I thought it was a noble cause and placed me on the pedestal I desired (unadmittedly until now).
I thought that by taking control of a situation for someone that I was helping them and making their life better. Behind this belief was that I would be more lovable by doing it.
Growing up, my models for relationships consisted of 2 roles:
The Rescuer ~ who appeared to have their shit together
The Helpless Person ~ who was likely “borrowing” money or just had constant chaos in their life and couldn’t catch a break
I NEVER wanted to be the helpless one, the damsel in distress, so I fought to be perfect… or at least appear perfect and become the Rescuer. That seemed way better than always needing help. Why do that when I could be the one providing the help?
I went a really linear route in search of stability; high school, undergrad, graduate school, corporate. This reinforced the story that I had: that money will save you. THIS IS AN OLD STORY for me now :)
After a while, once I had done all of things that I was “supposed” to do (minus the marriage and baby thing) I got bored and felt unfulfilled. I mean, why would I be fulfilled when I was just doing what I thought other people expected of me anyway.
You see when you are constantly looking for love and validation outside of yourself (raises hand) then you never really get to find out what it is YOU actually desire.
In truth, I was a bit of a hot mess while healing. Especially, when I decided that I would be a rescuer no more but then didn't realize that the only other role I knew was the Helpless Person. EEK! So many learnings from that one, sister! It has been quite the journey from rescuing others for love, to making myself helpless for love, to rescuing myself and I am so ready to help other women step into their power and rescue themselves too.
I am a recovering perfectionist, people pleaser, rescuer, and damsel in distress. I am also a heroine, a healer, a badass listener, and a curious and thought provoking coach. I am all of this & the healing allows me to feel more fully into all aspects of myself.
My favorite phrase has always been “I know” but for the past 6 months I have been playing with “I don’t know” because the truth is that I don’t and when I surrender to that truth then I get closer and closer to MY TRUTH. Because I always wanted to come off as perfect and I wanted to please it was always easy to come up with an answer to make others happy but the truth is that I was unconsciously lying.
I often feel as though I am not enough but what is even more true is that I am too much and I have a deep fear that people won’t love me if I truly reveal who I am, too muchness and all.
It is both my deepest desire and my biggest fear to be truly seen!
I am here to save myself and I am here to help you save yourself (I have some guides helping me navigate my journey as well).
Take my hand and let’s drop into the unknown... the place where your true desires live.
It is time to come into balance, it is time to give yourself the love you have been looking for, it is time to connect in with yourself, it is time to show up for YOURSELF!!!
It is time to step into reverence and sovereignty.
Sisters, I invite you to unravel into reverence.
Are you ready...
to come out of hiding and rescue yourself?